You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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