yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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