my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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