you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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