happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
