Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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