Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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