I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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