Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
