I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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