never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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