I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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