how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
