well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
