i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
