Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i've created a new STD.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
