As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
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My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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