The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
