...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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