Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
