Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Everything about him screamed your future.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
