Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
