The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
