I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
