Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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