Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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