I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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