Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
