just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
