Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
