i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
