Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
