Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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