actually, I'm a sock model
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
