I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
