I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
