Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I didn't notice because vodka
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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