Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
