So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
