Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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