Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
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Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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