i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
