Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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