Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
