i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
