So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
