Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
