with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
