and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
