Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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