dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
