I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
