It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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