She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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