I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
whose parrot is this?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
