i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
