Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
