i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
