Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
