The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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