We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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