Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
