Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
