He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
