she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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