I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
