dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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