Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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