You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My ass is underappreciated
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
