Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
