It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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