apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
