They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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