Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
