How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
