it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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