We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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