she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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