Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
