I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
