I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
