There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
