The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
