It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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